A Faithful Hand
Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person;
having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words,
but to put them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together,
knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them,
keep what is worth keeping, and then, with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away.
-George Elliot
What I want
I want to always be strong.
I want to continue to be the one that helps and supports others.
I like giving, I like teaching.
I like sharing my talents, photography, humor and even principles.
Who wants other people to see them at their weakest?
Why would we want to let people know there are problems... to view us like we're damaged?
Why to cry and bemoan our fate, like the annoying people we know who are always complaining and bringing others down.
Why hide it?
Well I'm here to say. I'm damaged.
I'm hurt, I'm not as strong as people think I am.
I try hard, I fail.
The one thing I've wanted the most in my life, for all my life, is the one thing I haven't achieved.
The thing I feel so far away from.
It's almost a slap in the face to have become successful in everything else but that one thing.
I feel closer to being famous... which could be fun, but certainly never been an objective and of so much lesser eternal value.
I struggle with doubts.
I wonder "why" frequently.
I wonder "Why" even When i know THE answer.
I can give the answer to a hundred friends and yet sorrow makes it hard to accept the realities of my own life.
WHEN
When will this time of strengthening end?
When will I be given the green light by my maker?
When will he decide I've had enough patience thrust upon me.
When will I say "this is too good to be true" and it IS true!
A different road
I've made the choice to be different... I've stuck with it.
I've said I'll do things different... to take a more principled road.
In business and relationships I run from manipulation.
In a world where everyone thrives on manipulating to benefit themselves, their products, their politics.
I kick against these ideas... believing that we can be successful even on the lonely road.
And am bound and determined to make it true.
In these areas
Seven social sins: politics without principles, wealth without work, pleasure without conscience, knowledge without character, commerce without morality, science without humanity, and worship without sacrifice. - Mahatma Ghandi
With a breath of kindness
The opening quote says I can let it all go to my good friends, to pour out the good and bad. And you my good friends will sift the chaff and the grain and keep what is worth keeping and with kindness blow the rest away.
This to me is what I want in a friend and what I want to be as a friend.
Sometimes in our life we all need friends someone to lean on.
I've been through harder, with the help of Christ and friends. And I'll do so again... but I'm wondering if I keep the first part and multiply the second part by You All, if I won't get through it much faster and easier.
A kind word
Am I allowed to call upon the past and future acts of kindness in return for your kind lifting words and prayers and hopes for a better month and better year?
In a time when so many are suffering around the world, I might be callous to even think my sadness is significant in anyway at all... but well it's my own and I don't want to go through it alone, like many times before.
So thank you... here's hoping this makes things much easier.
Not HOW but WHY
I think in times of struggles we often know HOW to carry on we just want reinforcment that we should-WHY. That people care, and that the things we've been doing in the past are worth keeping up with in the future.
What I'm trying to say is... i've been through this enough I know the way to get through it... I just would be really happy to hear why getting back up to speed would benefit others.
If my life has affected yours, to push me to get back to that point where everyone remembers me as the rock solid friend and teacher, who helps and helps and asks nothing in return.
I guess I do thrive on something in return and that's appreciation and for someone to care.
Christ is the one where all my strength and support should come from without fear of ever being let down... but until I get there... I ask my friends for help until then.
Continue On
And then lets support the next person who's breaking and hurting who might not open up like this, and put it all on the line.
Who is scared to believe that a friend will take the grain and chaff and still love and still help and who only grows closer.
